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Mental load, in and of itself, is not necessarily a problem. We will all go through periods of life when the mental load we carry is greater than at others. The problem comes when we are unable to cope, and feel we cannot reach out for support, orwhen resentment creeps in at carrying more mental load than your partner. In both instances, says Roux, it is time to speak out, and speak honestly. “It is important to talk about this. Instead of criticising each other, itis more productive to be honest about how you feel, and then to try to explore possible solutions. This can include agreeing on a different, more equal split on chores, reworking the budget, being clear on who is responsible for different childcare responsibilities, helping each other to have ‘off duty’ time, and soon. It is also important to plan time together asa couple, away from parenting duties, to nurture your relationship, and not to allow your parenting responsibilities to consume you.” While broaching the topic can seem daunting, and it may feel more appealing to avoid it altogether in case it sparks conflict (adding to your burden), ultimately, it will bring you and your partner closer and, most importantly, improve your capacity to manage the many challenges of parenting. RELATIONSHIPS READER STORY Read mother- of-three Shanaaz Petersen’s story to Fx see how a real-life couple put this into action. “Our youngest child turned one in March, the middle child will be three in August and the eldest will be four in July. It was a lot easier when it was only the two of us. Everything changed after our eldest was born during the Covid-19 pandemic. At the time, | was working a 9-to-5 job while adjusting to life with a newborn. Even though we were allowed to return to the office, my team continued working remotely. Thirteen months later, we welcomed our second, and then 18 months after that our third (cue DJ Khaled: “Another one!”). It was a lot. Initially, | struggled, especially when we only had my eldest. My husband, Luqmaan, has always been hands-on but! carried a strong “I can do it all myself” mentality, partly from watching other moms who seemed to manage everything at home and work. When we found out we were expecting our second child, we had a heart-to-heart. We discussed the mental strain | was feeling, where it stemmed from, and what kind of support I truly needed. | expressed how overwhelmed and overstimulated | was, and we talked about what to do and what not to do when! was mentally at breaking point. Luqmaan shared his perspective, too, and what kind of support he needed.
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